Non-Jews are for practice
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
it's like heaven, but drunker
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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