oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i dont even know how to be here
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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