saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize