I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
