i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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