just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
