i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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