her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
