u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize