did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
