I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
