well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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