I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
