nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
