i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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