My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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