but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
