he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
