genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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