VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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