The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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