You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
