I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
