There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize