My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
