worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
