You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
