dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
