I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
