took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
