i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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