this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
