Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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