is your mom at the bar?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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