she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
