You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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