he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
