yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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