If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize