i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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