that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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