I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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