i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
