also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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