you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
