I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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