oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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