One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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