I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i already hear my dad disowning me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
