So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
