If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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