don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
