You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
