smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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