They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
