1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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