We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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