it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
