I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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