DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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