a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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