so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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