If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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