Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
