My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
