OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
