My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
