I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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