Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
