1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
