Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
