I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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