I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
